iForget
by Gallifrey101
Summary: When Sam is in an accident and gets amnesia, Freddie is determined to help her remember how her life was - even if he does have to bend the truth a little. SEDDIE!
1. iPrologue

**Carly's POV:**

"Sam, stop it!" I scolded. Ugh, I hated that word. _Scolded._ I wasn't Sam's mother. I shouldn't be telling her not to stand on the monkey bars like she's a five-year-old. Not to mention this park _is_ for five-year-olds.

"Relax, Carls," Sam said as she jumped off. She landed on the wood chips with a thump. "Mama knows what she's doing."

"Sam, come on, we're supposed to meet Freddie at the Groovy Smoothie in five minutes!"

She groaned. "The nub can wait!" Her gaze wandered to a pole on the other side of the park. "Bet you ten bucks I can climb that in under ten seconds."

I eyed the metal pole, covered with scratches and dents. Concrete surrounded it. It was just the kind of thing Sam would be interested in. "Uh...Sam it looks kind of - "

"You have to stop worrying!" she groaned. "Watch, I won't even break a sweat!" She started edging her way up the pole, completely ignoring my warning. Of course.

"Sam, don't! Seriously, you could really hurt yourself!" She rolled her eyes and I bit my lip. What if she fell?

She finally made it to the top, hanging casually by her arms and legs. Sure, she'd been quick, but with me down here worrying, it had felt like hours instead of mere seconds. "See? Nothing to worry about!"

"Great, now come down."

"Hey, Carly, does this bother you?" she asked and let go of the pole with her right hand. She waved to me. "Does it?"

"Sam - "

"What about this?" she asked and took her left leg off. Now she was only clinging by her left hand and right leg.

"Sam!"

"Or this?" She leaned her head back all the way and grinned at me.

"Sam, _stop it!" _I screamed with such intensity, I actually scared myself.

She examined my expression. "Fine, if it bothers you so much. It's just a joke, Carly." That's when it happened. She slipped off the pole and fell to ground, her head slamming against the pavement with a sickening crack. She didn't even twitch.

"SAM!" I screamed and ran over to her. Her eyes were closed, her head lying against the ground. Maybe she was okay. Maybe she was trying to freak me out. I would have believed myself, if I hadn't seen her hair.

It was soaking. And bright red.

** Hey, thanks so much for reading! Please review and tell me if you hated it, loved it, you know, the usual. **

** -Gallifrey101**


	2. iGet Bad News

Freddie walked into the Groovy Smoothie, waiting for Carly and Sam. They had planned to meet up here to discuss some new ideas for iCarly. He ordered three smoothies for them all and slid onto one of the red cushioned stools. He waited, slurping his smoothie, watching the clock tick away. Five minutes passed, then ten. Twenty came and went as did thirty. They were never _this_ late! Sam had probably told Carly that he had canceled so he would be left alone and abandoned. Classic Sam.

He was about to call Carly when his phone buzzed in his pocket and he dug it out, checking the caller ID. _Speak of the devil..._

"Hey, Carly, what's up?" he asked. "I was just about to call you."

"Freddie," Carly said and her voice trembled. He could tell she was on the verge of tears.

"Carly, what's wrong?" he asked and frowned.

"There's been an accident," she managed and her voice broke on the word "accident." "It's - it's Sam."

Freddie froze. For a moment, he could've sworn his heart stopped beating, going completely still in his chest. But then, without warning, it started speeding up and took off like a rocket. He dared to ask the question that he was afraid to ask the most. "What happened to Sam?"

"Just come to the hospital, okay?" she said and hung up. The dial tone rung in his ears.

He didn't know how he ended up on the street, legs pumping as he ran for the hospital, leaving the smoothies abandoned. All he knew was that he _had_ to get to Sam. In that moment, nothing else mattered but her.


	3. iRealize

The hospital doors flew open with a bang, Freddie standing behind them. He spotted Carly and Spencer and ran over to them, his heart pounding against his chest. Carly's eyes were red and puffy. Spencer sat beside her, jaw clenched.

"What happened?" he asked frantically, his own tears threatening to leak out. "What happened to Sam!?"

Carly didn't look like she had the will to speak, so Spencer spoke for her. "Sam fell and hit her head - badly. The Doctors took her into an emergency room right away. They're going to see what damage was done." Freddie had never seen Spencer so serious.

"Is she all right?" Freddie asked, anxiously.

Spencer and Carly exchanged glances. "We don't know," Spencer said after a minute of silence. Tears poured out of Carly's eyes and Spencer wrapped her into a hug. Freddie slumped down into a chair.

Sam. Sam hit her head. Sam, tough girl, the blonde demon, was in the hospital because she hit her head. And now, the tough girl might not...

He couldn't will himself to finish the thought. His own tears dribbled out his eyes. What if he never talked to her again? What were his last words to her? Probably something spiteful. He had probably been so proud at the comeback. What he'd give to change his words...

What if she never punched him again? What if he never saw her again? Saw her blond curls and beautiful smile? Wait..._what!? _Beautiful smile? Since when was Sam beautiful?

He glanced at Carly, who was sobbing silently into Spencer's shirt. He'd got over his crush for her a long time ago. And even then, it was just a stupid school boy crush. Did he think of Sam differently now?

No, of course not. He couldn't. She was _Sam. _

Sam who was too beautiful for words. Sam who he would take a bullet for. Sam who made him laugh and made him want to live.

He didn't know why he didn't realize it earlier. But now it was clear.

_He loved Sam. _And the fact that it took him so long to realize it, was not only sick, but ironic. The woman he loved was in a hospital and dying. _How cliché._

They sat there, crying, not talking for over thirty minutes. And, most of all, hoping.

"Are you the current guardian of Samantha Puckett?" asked a voice. They looked up into the face of a man, dressed in a white lab coat. He had a head of curly grey hair and watery blue eyes covered by thin rimmed glasses. His mouth was a straight line and above it was a stumpy nose.

Spencer stood up. "No, but we're close friends. Carly, did you call Pam?"

"Oh my god, no," she gasped and whipped out her phone so fast, her arm was a blur. "On it."

"And Melanie too," Spencer added and she responded with a quick nod. Melanie? She was _real!?_

"I'm Dr. Stevens. I've been treating Samantha."

"Sam," he pointed out. He wanted everyone to know her name was Sam. And how she'd punch the daylights out of anyone who ever dared to call her Samantha. He almost cracked a smile. Almost.

"All right then; Sam. We have some news on your friend Sam." They all held our breath, waiting for the answer that could change their lives forever.

**Thank you so much for reading - and reviewing! You guys are awesome! Anyway, I managed to make time for a chapter and I'll see if I can get one in tomorrow. So again, please review! And thanks to**

**LoveOfMyLife**

**admz**

**Pink89765**

**for reviewing chapter two! See ya!**

**-Gallifrey101**


	4. iScalpel

"She's going to be fine," Dr. Stevens continued. They let out a sigh of relief, wiping the tears that had spilt out earlier. Spencer wrapped Freddie in a hug and, afterwords, started to jump up and down. Freddie smiled. Now this was more like Spencer.

"Is she...?" they heard Carly's hopeful voice ask behind them. She'd been too busy calling Sam's mom to hear the news. Freddie nodded and Carly burst into a round of happy tears which turned into hysterics. Spencer took her into her arms to calm her down.

"We stitched her back up, but she does have a bad concussion," admitted Dr. Stevens.

"Well, can I - _we_ go see her?" asked Freddie frantically. He needed to see her as soon as he could.

"She's under sedation, but you could wait in her room if you like."

Dr. Stevens told him where to find her and Freddie headed down the hall.

"Wait!" Dr. Stevens called. Freddie turned around, eyebrows raised. "There is something else you should know. She might have a slight case of amnesia."

Freddie's jaw fell open. "_Amnesia?" _he repeated.

"It's almost most certainly temporary," assured the doctor.

"_Almost?" _asked Carly.

"Look, there's a very slight chance that it's permanent - there's a very slight chance she'll even have it at all. I'm almost positive that it's temporary - at most, it would last a week. I just have to get some tests back to be sure."

Freddie nodded and continued down to Sam's room. He got to the door and cracked open the door. He peered inside and felt his heart melt.

There was Sam, lying in a hospital bed, sleeping with two needles sticking out of her right arm. She looked so peaceful and innocent. And he knew if he ever said that out loud, she'd punch him so hard, he wouldn't be able to breathe for a week.

He entered the room and sat in one of the three chairs that lined the walls. He took one of her hands and held on gently, waiting.

Eventually, her eyes cracked open and she looked at Freddie out of the corner of her eye.

He smiled at her. "Hey," he breathed.

The next thing he knew, his wrist was twisted and Sam, who was dressed in a hospital gown, was out of bed, needles tugging at her arm. She grabbed a scalpel - who in the world left Sam alone in a room with a _scalpel!? _- off a table on the far side of the bed and pointed it at him.

"Sam, calm down!" Freddie warned. "It's okay, you were in an accident, you're okay now. Just try to stay calm!"

It seemed like she hadn't even heard him. "Why does my head hurt so bad!?" she screamed and reached up to feel the right side of her head. He hadn't noticed it before, but a line of stitches ran across it. Her hand jolted back as she gasped in pain. "What did you do!?"

"Nothing!" he protested. "Sam, just relax."

"Listen here, dishrag," she snapped. "I'm not gonna hurt you as long as you answer my questions, understand?" He nodded.

She lowered the scalpel a little. "All right. Now, tell me; who's Sam?"

** Hello! Hope you liked this chapter and thank you so much for reading! Please, please review and a big thank you to **

**MayFairy**

**Sophie**

**ShooshYeah35**

**Random Storygirl**

**katiemarie1999**

**for commenting on the last chapter! Keep reading and have fun doing so. :D Sorry, that was fun to type. See ya!**

**-Gallifrey101**


	5. iLie

**Freddie's POV: (A/N: I know I haven't been doing it in POVs, but it's just easier that way. So - yeah. Kay. Go on - READ!)**

"What do you mean, 'who's Sam?'" I asked, one eyebrow raised. She had to be joking. It was enough that she had almost died and was now holding a scalpel to my chest. Did she have to have amnesia too? At this moment, I was more furious with her than I had ever been

"I _mean,_ who the hell is Sam!" she screamed. "You keep on calling me Sam and I'm sure as hell not her! I'm..." her ferocious look transformed into a blank page. "I'm..." she looked down at the scalpel in her trembling hand and jumped back, the knife falling to the ground like a shot of electricity had just shot up her arm. She looked up at me with watery eyes. "Oh my god, who am I?"

The fury vanished as if the tide had come in and swept it away. A wave of sympathy came rolling in, crashing and churning like an angry ocean. Before I could respond, the door opened and Carly came in, face brightening like the sun. "Sam!" she exclaimed and wrapped her in a hug.

Sam shoved her off and backed away. "Get away from me," she said in fear. She backed up against the wall. Carly looked at me, waiting for me to explain. Since when did this become my job?

"The doctor was right about the amnesia," I managed and Carly's somewhat cheery expression vanished like it was never there.

She faced Sam, who was trembling, tears dribbling out of her blue eyes. "Oh, Sam," she said sadly. "It's all right."

"Tell me what's going on," Sam demanded, trying to keep as much distance from us as possible.

"Just go back to the bed and we'll explain everything," Carly tried to assure her. She silently climbed back into bed, staring at Carly with watery, expectant eyes.

Carly sat on her bed and started to explain. "You've been in an accident. You fell and hit your head and now you're in the hospital."

"Is that why I got this?" Sam asked, again tracing her fingers along the line of ugly stitches. She gasped in pain, quickly putting her hand by her side.

"Yes and you should probably not touch that," Carly advised, eyeing Sam's curious hand.

"So why can't I remember anything?" Sam continued, hand reaching up to touch the stitches again.

"You have amnesia," Carly explained, grabbing her hand and putting it at her side. "Do you know what that means?"

Sam glared at her. "Yeah, I'm not stupid, I just forget. So who are you, anyway? Wait a second, who am I? How long is this amnesia thing gonna last? And where are my parents? Or do I got any of those?"

"I'm Carly Shay, your best friend," she replied and smiled gently. Sam's expression didn't lighten.

"You're my best friend?" she repeated suspiciously.

Carly nodded. "Yeah and you're mine. You're there to rip someone's head off when someone cheats on me around and I'm there to bail you out of juvy when you're...well...just being Sam." She nodded thoughtfully. That sounded more believable to her.

"So I'm Sam, eh?" she asked. "Pretty solid name, I'll admit. I'm glad it's not something completely idiotic like Samantha." Carly laughed nervously.

"Yeah, good thing. Anyway, you wanna know some stuff about you?" Carly asked. Sam nodded anxiously.

"Okay, well, you're the toughest person anyone's every known, you're obsessed with all meats - "

"Speaking of meat, can I have some ham?" she asked. Me and Carly burst out laughing which earned us glares from Sam, but it was worth it.

"Sure, we'll get some ham after, okay?" Carly giggled. Sam smiled. Carly started going on about all the little details about Sam, until Sam interrupted her.

"God, this is so much shiz to remember!" Sam groaned, falling back on the bed. "How long is this stupid amnesia thing gonna last?"

"The doctor said a week at most," Carly said. "Don't worry - you'll start remembering things in no time!" Then she bit her lip. It was what she did when she lied. We both had no idea if it was permanent or not. Best to tell the truth later instead of getting stabbed with a scalpel now.

"Where is the doctor anyway?" Sam asked, scanning the room.

"Not sure," Carly admitted. "He'll be here soon."

"What about my family? Where the hell are they? I mean, how bad was the accident? Shouldn't they be weeping their eyes out and giving me heartfelt hugs?"

"Your mom and sister are on their way," Carly said, patting her hand.

"And my dad?"

"He's - um - that's something your mom and you should discuss," Carly said, drawing out each word carefully and slowly. We both knew that Sam's father had left when she was just a little girl.

_"Yes, and my dad once told me mom he was coming back," _she'd said then quickly moved on. I wondered if anyone else had noticed the water in her eyes. **(A/N: Before iOMG but after iParty with Victorious. Don't test my logic ;)**

"Okay," Sam said, snapping me back into current time. "Anything else?"

"Uh...oh!" Carly exclaimed, slapping her hand to her forehead. "I totally forgot!"

"It's okay, I forgot everything too," Sam told her. I rolled my eyes.

"iCarly," Carly continued smiling. "That's our web show. We're the hosts and he's the tech producer." Sam glanced at me again, as if noticing me for the first time.

"Huh. So, Tech Boy, what's with you? You're just sitting in the corner there - what's the matter, too nubbish to talk?" Sam asked. "Who are you, anyway?"

When I didn't respond, Carly did for me. "He's Freddie."

"And what's up with me and him? Do we get along?"

I found my voice. "We always get along!" I blurted out before I could stop myself. "We're best friends, we've never been in a fight and you always, _always, _respect me." Carly's mouth dropped open at the pack of lies I had just told.

"Freddie - " Carly started, but then Pam and Melanie came bursting into the room. Carly introduced them and after they were settled, she dragged me out into the hall.

"What was that!?" Carly snapped angrily.

"What was what?" I asked innocently.

"'We're best friends, we've never been a fight and you always, _always, _respect me," Carly said in a bad imitation of my voice. "Freddie, that's terrible! You can't lie to her when she's sick!"

"Carly, it'll be better for all of us!" I insisted. "I won't get bruised every second of the day, Sam will spend more energy getting better instead of fighting with me and you'll spend less time splitting us up! And even if it doesn't work out, it will only last a week!" Not to mention, I could try to start something up with Sam. Now she wouldn't kill me when I asked her out or want to break my arm everyday! It could be a real relationship! (Or the closest you could get to a relationship with Sam.)

Carly bit her lip. "I still don't think it's fair to - "

"Come on, Carls," I begged and grinned. "What could possibly go wrong?"

**DUH, DUH, DUHHHHHHHH! God, my friend will say that to me all the time and I'll run away screaming, afraid a boulder is gonna hit me on the head or something. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter and thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I like reviews, by the way. They make me happy. :D So, please, please review and thanks to the wonderful people who already have on chapter 4:**

**MayFairy**

**A Bit of Sunshine**

**katiemarie1999**

** So again, thanks! And keep reading!**

**-Gallifrey101**

**PS: Who's all excited about iLost My Mind? God, I would kill for August right now.**


	6. iAuthor's Note

**Hey, guys. Gallifrey101 here. Sorry to give u a shitty author's note while you're waiting for new chapter. But I need to tell you some very important info.**

** I know I haven't posted in a while but I've super busy with projects and soccer and planning for a vacation with my friend. Add a tiny case of writer's block and you're screwed.**

** So I just wanted to let you know that I probably won't post for at least another week incase you were wondering what was taking me so long. I might write it over the weekend but there isn't internet at my cottage so I can't post it.**

** ANYWAY, thank you for being so patient!**

** -Gallifrey101**


	7. iNightmare

**Sam's POV:**

I sat in one of the beanbag chairs in the iCarly studio. Or what they'd told me was the iCarly studio. I had a feeling they were lying to me. The fact that they'd told me that I was best friends with my polar opposite, never had a fight with one of the cutest nubs in the universe and was a famous web star was all a little unbelievable. And, if that wasn't bad enough, I had no proof. No memories to prove them wrong, call them up on what had to be a bag of lies.

No, I had to remember stupid shiz like eight times thirteen was 104, but I couldn't remember my own name. I had asked Stevens (the doctor) why, wanting to know why amnesia was so screwed up. **(A/N: I was reading your review, Random Storygirl and asked myself the same question. Really, I just put that in there because every TV show ever made makes them remember stupid stuff but not the people important to them. So I made this little thing up, probably NOT true, but, you know, creativeness ;)**

"Well, you know how you can speak?" he'd asked.

I'd rolled by eyes. "No, I'd never noticed."

He had ignored my comment. "You don't remember learning how to speak, do you? It's something you just picked up. Like math; you don't remember the first time you learned one plus one; you just know it. On the other hand, friends and family are legendary. You remember every little detail about them and how you learned them, because, well, that's what friends do. Those are your memories which amnesia makes you forget. But the things you just pick up aren't memories, so you keep them. Understand?"

It had taken my a while, but I got it. Basically, I can remember because I can't remember and I can't remember because I can remember. Yeah, not complicated at all.

The door creaked open and my head snapped in the direction of the opening door. "Hey, Sam," said someone I'd never seen before. He was a chubby boy with messy hair and no shirt. Ew.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked.

He laughed. "What are you talking about? I'm Gibby."

"What kind of name is Gibby?" I asked.

"An awesome one!" he exclaimed.

"Gibby!" I heard Carly cry from downstairs. "Gibby, something's wrong with Sam!"

"What's wrong with you?" he asked me. What was wrong with me? Where to begin...

"Dude, you better tell me who you are before I hit you so hard you won't be able to see for another week!" I threatened. Who was this kid? And why wasn't he wearing a shirt?

"You really don't remember do you? Did you forget who I am? Did an alien eat your brain?" I was about to respond when his eyes widened. "An alien did eat your brain. AHHHHH! Carly! Sam was eaten by an alien!" He scrambled away, running as fast as his fat legs could carry him.

I fell back into the chair. This amnesia thing was really getting old.

(*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#* #*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*) _I sit in the stool downstairs, looking at the computer screen which displays Steven with some girl named Tori. _

_ "Steven told me I'm one of a kind!" I hear Carly say. Poor Carly. Swimming in the sweet pool of denial. In her precious world, nothing goes wrong._

_ "Yes and my dad once told my mom he was coming back," I decide to say. It's a lie, of course. Like I would ever tell them what really happened. I even fake cry a little. I wish Carly would just get a grip and realize that Steven's cheating on her. I guess she doesn't understand that bad things happen. On the other hand, I do._

_ I realize everyone's silent and they're probably waiting for me to burst into tears. They shouldn't be. I'm Sam Puckett. I'm not gonna cry, especially over a lie._

_ "So, moving on..." I say. God, if they knew what really happened..._

(*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#* #*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*)

_ I'm eight years old and I'm scared. I'm not supposed to be scared, though. I'm tough. Melanie's the weak one. But I still can't help being scared. Daddy's been so sad lately. I don't know why. He hardly ever smiles and I can't remember the last time I heard him laugh. I try to cheer him up but he doesn't seem as playful as before. I don't know why. And it's scaring me. Maybe the dinner we brought home will cheer him up._

_ "Sam, go tell your dad we brought home dinner," says my mom. I nod and run up the stairs. _

_ "Daddy!" I call and look down the hall to his office. That's where he does all his paperwork. The piles have seemed to be getting a lot bigger lately. _

_ I notice something. That's weird. The hall's dark. Daddy always turns on the lights when he's doing his work. Something's wrong here._

_ "Daddy?" I ask. No response. I feel like I weigh two hundred pounds. _He's probably just sleeping_, I try to assure myself. So why do I feel so scared?_

_ I tiptoe down the hall. Why am I tiptoeing? What's the point? "Daddy?" I call again. "We brought home dinner. Your favourite - pizza with mushrooms and bacon." I remember the day I ate the whole pan of bacon and he had commented, "just like your old Dad, eh, Puckett?" and ruffled my hair._

_ I'm at the door and I push it open, stepping into the room. "Daddy?" I ask. That's when I see him. My hand flies to my mouth and I jump back, backing out of that room as quick as I can. I start screaming uncontrollably and stuff my fists in my mouth to stop. This is a joke. It's some sort of sick joke._

_ "Sam?" I vaguely hear. "Sam, what's wrong?"_

_ Daddy is not dead. He's not hanging from the ceiling. His eyes are not wide open. I didn't see him swaying. I didn't hear the creak of the rope. It's a prank. It's some sort of sick prank. _

_ I collapse on the floor, choking and crying. I take the fists out of my mouth, screaming while tears fall from my eyes. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. And neither can he._

I bolted upright, now fully awake, breathing heavily. I gasped and spluttered, trying to catch my breath. What the hell was that? _Who_ the hell was that? I mean, it looked like me. But I had only seen myself a few times. I barley remembered what I looked like.

What was wrong with me? I could barley breathe! I reached up to brush away the tears that had come to my eyes while I was trying to catch my breath. My whole face was wet. So was my shirt. I must have been crying while I was sleeping. I wasn't supposed to cry!

That couldn't have been real! I had amnesia! I couldn't remember anything! That had to be some sick part of my imagination!

I had asked my mom what happened to my dad. She'd given me a distressed look and said, "There are some memories that no one should have. You should be glad you get to escape them." It made me wonder what I'd done that was so bad. But I guess it was what my dad had done.

Why did he kill himself? What had I done? I wanted to tell myself that it wasn't my fault. But how did I know that? I had no memory of anything!

What did I do? I fell back into the chair and curled myself up, as tight as I could.

What did I do?

**Freddie's POV:**

"Gibby, for the last time, she has amnesia, her brain was not eaten by an alien!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air.

"How do I know that you haven't been eaten by aliens too?" he asked. "And that you're just saying that she has amnesia so I can be your next victim!"

My eye started to twitch. Is this how it felt like when Sam got so annoyed with me she looked ready to strangle me? Probably.

"Freddie, I'll handle Gibby, just go check and make sure Sam's okay," Carly ordered. I glanced at my watch. We had been trying to explain what happened to Sam for forty minutes! I growled and stormed upstairs.

I opened the door and walked in. "Sorry Sam, me and Carly were just trying to explain to Gibby - " I stopped walking when I saw her. She was curled up in the beanbag chair, trembling. "Sam? Are you okay?" I leaned down next to her. Her head was buried in her arms.

I reached up and placed my hand on her back. "Sam?"

She looked up at me then, eyes red and puffy. "What?" she snapped. "What do you want?"

It took me a few seconds before I scooped her up and held her in my arms, rocking her back and forth. "What's wrong?"

She just shook her head, so we sat there in silence for the rest of the night until she fell asleep in my arms.

** Hello, everyone! I am back and I bring you mushy dramatic romanticness. Anyway, I need to say I am so sorry for the long wait! I really hoped you liked this chapter and please, PLEASE review! Before I say goodbye I must thank**

**awzomness07**

**VeVe2491**

**Random Storygirl**

**MayFairy**

**katiemarie1999**

**for reviewing already! And before you get mad at me for not listing your name, well, DON'T. Because I just wanted to make a special shout out to you for having the awesomest username ever! Applause for NinjaBananaPeel! *Clap, clap, clap, clap!* But really, I really appreciate your reviews and everyone who enjoys this story. And I am indeed (yes, **_**indeed)**_** sorry for the long wait. More to come soon! :P**

**-Gallifrey101**


	8. iDiscover Bacon

**Sam's POV:**

I blinked. Where am I again? Blink. The ceiling was familiar. Blink. Not mine, though.

I sat up slowly, yawning and rubbing my eyes. Was I on a couch? I looked down. Yup, it's a couch. And it's not mine. Isn't this Carly's apartment? What happened last night? God, I felt like I was hungover. I don't think I drank last night. But I don't really - oh. Right.

I let my head fall in my hands. Why am I so stupid? Freddie was my _friend _and only my friend. What was I doing, letting him rock me like some freaking baby? Sam Puckett doesn't show weakness! Or so I've heard.

"Morning Sam!" Carly called and I snapped my head in the direction of Carly who was sitting at the table eating...bacon. The smell drifted into my nostrils and I took a deep breath. My mouth watered. Did I like bacon? I was about to find out.

I ran to the table as fast as my legs could carry me, bumping into things in my drowsy state. I yanked the chair out from underneath the table and fell into it, the sweet smell of sizzling bacon fogging up my brain. "Gimme, gimme, gimme!" I exclaimed and she slid over a plate of the fresh meat. I stuffed it in my mouth, grinning happily. Okay, never mind my doubt, Carls was definitely my best friend.

"Whoa, Sam, slow down!" she exclaimed and I showed her my clean plate, my eyes begging for more. "You ate the whole thing already!?" I nodded eagerly. She rolled her eyes. "Same old Sam." She filled my plate up again and this course continued until she delivered the news that the bacon was gone. I guess all good things had to end.

"Hey, Carls," I said, trying to get pieces of stray bacon out of my teeth with my tongue. "How'd I get on the couch?"

"You feel asleep and Freddie carried you down," Carly said. _Friend. _The word rang through my head as if taunting me. _Friend, friend, friend, he's your friend, friend, friend._

"Shut up," I muttered under my breath. Then my mind decided to take a different approach.

_Creak, creak._

The rope.

_Creak, creak._

Rocking gently just like Freddie was rocking me. I shivered.

_Creak, creak._

My dad was dead.

"Carly," I said, my voice cracking. I couldn't help it. I couldn't hold it in. I needed answers.

She was at the sink, scrubbing the plates, the water running. "What?"

I managed to make my voice a little more stable. "Did I ever tell you about my dad?" I asked. If I hadn't told her before, that meant I didn't want her to know. I needed to know what she knew, before I flipped out on her.

"Yes." She turned off the water and the tap squeaked. _Squeak, squeak. _"I know that your dad left you and your mom and Melanie when you were little. Your mom told you?" She said and turned around. At least I think she did. I wasn't concentrating on her. I was more mesmerized by the dripping tap. _Drip, drip. _She walked over to me and patted my hand. "Are you okay?"

_Creak, creak._

"Yeah, fine," I said. "And, yeah, she told me. I just wanted to see if you knew. When you say left...?"

"I don't wanna say it, Sam. I know he just packed his bags and never came back."

_Creak, creak. _So I hadn't told her. _Creak, creak. _I didn't want her to know. _Creak, creak. _I couldn't talk to her then.

I told my mind to shut the hell up. _Squeak, squeak. Drip, drip. Creak, creak. Creak, creak. Creak, creak. _Too many sounds, too many different sounds making my mind on edge. I wished I could forget. I felt like banging my head against the wall, just so I could get amnesia again. _Creak, creak. _So I could forget. _Creak, creak._

I couldn't help it. I let out a little whimper. _Squeak, squeak. _No, no, no! You're tough! You don't cry! You don't cry! _Drip, drip. _Don't you dare -

_CREAK, CREAK. CREAK, CREAK. CREAK, CREAK. CREAK -_

The apartment door opened and I screamed, "HEY, CARLY, LOOK, FREDDIE'S HERE! IT'S FREDDIE!"

They both stared at me strangely. "Sam, are you okay?" Carly asked. "You're acting a little - "

"I'm fine!" I insisted and gritted my teeth behind my lips. _Creak, creak._

"Okay," Carly said, giving me a strange look. "I'll be right back." She headed up the stairs, leaving me and Freddie alone.

"Um, Freddie," I said before I could stop myself. "Did I ever tell you about my dad?"

He shook his head. "No. Was that what was wrong last night?"

"No," I said quickly. God, how could he tell? I didn't look that freaked out, did I?

"Did you remember him? Was that why you were so upset?"

"No," I said again, trying to keep my voice stable. How did he know? I had barley even said anything! He was asking so many questions. I felt like I was being interrogated. I wished he would shut up. "It's okay. Just forget about it."

"No, Sam, tell me. There's something bothering you. What is it?"

"Nothing!" I screamed, trying to ignore the fact the creaking had stopped ever since he walked through the door. God, why couldn't I just punch this dipwad in the face!? It would be so much better than dealing with this conversation! But I don't wanna piss off my best friend - right?

"Okay, Sam, just calm down. Talk to me when you're ready." He smiled softly and strode out the front door.

I hated him. I hated every fiber of his being. Why were we friends? Maybe I should just end it. Maybe I should just fix things and punch his brains out. Maybe I should just -

"Sam! I found more bacon!" Carly called from upstairs.

"COMING!" I screamed and ran up the steps, leaving my thoughts behind. I was glad to escape.

** Hello, everyone! Let me start off by apologizing for, first of all, the shortness of this chapter - is it short? I think it is. Second of all, the fact for this being so late! I feel like such a tool - sorry for not finishing it sooner. But I need to thank you guys for staying patient and for reviewing:**

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**You guys are amazing! I want to especially thank MayFairy, Random Storygirl and katiemarie1999 for reviewing on practically every chapter! I love getting your reviews and I'd love to get more! So please, PLEASE review! I'll try to update again soon! Thanks so much!**

**-Gallifrey101**

**PS: iLost My Mind: 8 more days! *dies in suspense***


	9. iDo A Webshow

**Sam's POV:**

"And this one makes a laughing sound," Carly said as she pushed a button on the blue remote. Laughter echoed through the studio and she pressed it again to stop.

"I like the booing one better," I said and pressed it to demonstrate.

Carly rolled her eyes. "You would. So do you remember what to do?"

I nodded. "We introduce ourselves, you introduce the show, and you explain that I have amnesia. Then, we play remembering games with the audience. That's it, right?" And, I reminded myself, don't freak out live on the web.

"Good. And the show's called...?"

"iCarly."

"Great job, Sam! You'll have your memory back in no time!" She bit her lip. Why did she always do that when she was talking about my memory? Was she hypnotized or something?

Freddie came through the door, looking at his pearpad. "We're on in one minute."

I glanced at Carly nervously. "One minute? What if I screw up? I don't know what to do!"

She laughed. "You'll be fine, Sam! Just remember: five, four, three, two and we're live on the web."

"What happened to the one?" I asked.

"No one knows. Freddie does it for no apparent reason."

"It's for a reason!" he said.

"What reason?" Carly shot back.

"I don't know," he mumbled. "Okay, ten seconds. Five, four, three, two."

"I'm Carly!"

"And I'm Sam - I think."

"And this is iCarly!" I pressed the cheering button on my remote which turned out to be the laughing button. Oh, crap. Which one was it again? This one? No, that was Random Dancing. Carly started dancing crazily beside me and I followed her, awkwardly.

"Which one?" I asked desperately, banging my hand against the remote.

Carly laughed and pushed the third button from the top. It made a cheering sound and Carly clapped. "There you go!" She turned to the camera. "So you might notice that Sam's acting a bit different."

"This remote is a stupid piece of shiz!" I exclaimed and banged it against my hand. I swear they magically changed places.

"Well, not _that _different," Carly continued. "She's still Sam-like. She just had an accident. Instead of listening to me like she should have, she fell and got amnesia. Luckily, it'll only last a week. But for now, Sam doesn't remember anything."

"Except stupid stuff, like a triangle has three sides. When in my everyday life will I need to know a triangle has three sides? School is so useless!"

Carly and Freddie rolled their eyes. "Anyway, since Sam doesn't remember anything 'useful,' we were hoping you guys could brief her on some of the memorable stuff she did. You know, how many times she's been in juvie, how many times she's ate her weight in ham, that sorta thing."

"Yeah!" I agreed. "But, I already now some stuff. Like, I'm a little crazy and I get in trouble a lot. And I know that Carly here is my best friend. And I also know that Freddie - "

I was being such a moron with Freddie. He was just trying to be nice to me, trying to act like he did before I got stupid amnesia and I was being a jerk. It wasn't fair.

I turned the camera to him and he looked at me in confusion.

" - is my best friend too," I continued. "Can you believe we've never had a fight?"

Carly looked at Freddie and seemed to be smirking. What was she doing that for? "I really can't," she said. She looked directly into the camera. "What about you guys? Can you believe Sam and Freddie have never had a fight?"

"Oh, look at the time," Freddie said urgently. "We went on too long, iCarly's over."

"What?" I asked. "Dude, we just started."

"Yeah, but - " I raised my eyebrows at him and he frowned. "Mehhnnn." I looked back at Carly and she shrugged, a smile plastered on her face.

"Okay, ignore Freddie weirdness while we take some live chats from you," Carly said with a grin. "Freddie?"

He glared at Carly - what was up with him? - and clicked a few buttons on his computer. "This is BlueRaspberryIsMyMaster."

A girl appeared on the screen with bright blue eyes and curly brown hair. She let out a high pitched squeal and it echoed through the studio. I slammed my hands over my ears. Good god, that girl could scream.

"Oh my god, I can't believe I'm actually on iCarly!" she screamed, fanning herself with her hands.

I glanced back at Carly. "Yeah, good for you..." I muttered.

"Sam, I am so sorry you got amnesia, I can't believe it! But I'm so glad it's only temporary! You'll be back to your usual Samness in no time!"

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks."

A look of confusion crossed her face. "But I don't get what you said about - "

"Sorry, out of time, next!" Freddie clicked a few buttons on his laptop and Whatever-Her-Username-Was disappeared off the screen and was replaced by a thin guy with light blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Hey, Sam!"

"S'up?"

"Nothing much! I just thought I'd tell you about the time you gave Freddie - "

"Oops, sorry, next!" Freddie called again and clicked a few more buttons on his laptop. The screen fuzzed out and went blank.

"Dude, what happened?" I asked.

"The website...my computer's going all wonky," he said, keeping his eyes glued to the screen. "I think we need to stop the show."

"Fine by me. Do you have any ham?" I had a feeling if I didn't have a major scar, Carly would've whacked me in the head.

She just rolled her eyes. "Yeah, downstairs."

"Great." I waved to the camera. "Bye, viewers. Thanks for watching and stuff. Oh - and if you want me to get better, you should probably send me some ham...or bacon...or ribs..."

"Go get your ham," Carly said, shooing me away.

"I'm going," I agreed and headed downstairs.

**Freddie's POV:**

"Sorry about this guys," Carly said into the camera. "I'm sure we'll have our 'technical difficulties' fixed soon. Till next time. Remember to eat your exotic fruits and snuggle a giraffe! See you!"

"And we're clear," I finished, placing my camera on the cart. I looked up to see Carly glaring at me, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes piercing. "So..."

"This is ending now," she said, tapping her foot.

"What?"

"Oh, don't act all innocent! You know what you did!"

I sighed. "I'm sorry I faked the technical difficulties."

"That's not what I'm talking about! You have to tell Sam the truth!"

My blood ran cold. "W - why?"

"Look, Freddie. Amnesia isn't some excuse to take advantage of her - she's sick. Now she has all these fake memories that _you _gave her."

"But - but it's not hurting anyone!" I protested. "It was just a little mistake, Carly. Besides, she'll have her memory back in a week, the doctor said."

She crossed her arms and sat down on the hood of the half car. "That's not what he said, Freddie. He said he's _almost _sure it's temporary."

"Exactly; almost."

"Yeah, but he said he was _almost _sure she wasn't gonna have amnesia in the first place! And now she doesn't remember a thing. What if it's permanent? What are you gonna do then?"

"It's not gonna be permanent!" I insisted. Or, at least, I hoped. It would be easier to talk to her when she wasn't constantly thinking about breaking my arm, but if it lasted forever...I shuddered at the thought.

Carly just shook her head. "No. You're telling Sam tomorrow or I will."

"But - "

"It's not right, Freddie. I don't know if you're doing this just to get some peace but you can't lie to her like that." Carly shook her head, crossed her arms and left the studio with a frown.

I sighed. She was right. I had to tell Sam the truth.

**Okay, I'm not gonna even give you some lame excuse - I put off this chapter FOREVER and I am so, so sorry! Although I'm not sure, I think it's a bit longer :) But it's FINALLY posted and I want to thank you guys so much for your patience and reviewing:**

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** Oh and a special thanks to you, myjumpingsocks, for reviewing on every single chapter, speaking your mind and making me feel appreciated when I read your reviews! A huge thanks to all of you as well just for, well, everything. So please, PLEASE review again and I hope you liked this chapter. Hopefully, more to come soon!**

**-Gallifrey101**


	10. iPermanent

**Sam's POV:**

The creaking wouldn't stop. It was always there, never ending. And I had no one to talk to. I'd curl up in a ball, making myself as small and invisible as I could and the soundtrack of the creaking would burn out my brain cells until I feel asleep, my eyes and cheeks wet.

So, for once, I was actually grateful when Freddie came through Carly's door. It seemed to stop when he was around for some reason.

"Hey," I whispered, trying to make my voice louder than it was. I was nestled into a nook of Carly's couch. I, apparently, hung out at Carly's place a lot. And, after spending a few hours with my mom, I knew why. My house smelt like old cat pee, the carpets were yellow and brown from God know's what and cockroaches scurried across the floor every hour. Not to mention the memories. The room where he hung himself was still there, and everything I'd seen in my dream was in there, unmoved. I don't think anything except the noose had been touched.

Freddie rubbed the back of his neck. "I, um, I have to talk to you."

"Sure," I said, keeping the annoyance out of my voice. What was it _this _time?

"I don't know how to tell you this," he admitted, pacing in front of me. Why couldn't he just sit down!? "I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't think..." he sighed and plopped down on the chair. Finally! "I'm sorry."

I laughed. "For what?"

"You don't even know!" he sighed and shook his head at the ceiling. What was with him? "I can't believe I let it go this far! I am such a turd!" I concealed my laughter. I wanted to laugh in his face and tell him he wasn't just a turd, but the _King_ of Turdmightis, the city of all turds. But then I remembered why I put myself through all of this. If I had been best friends with him a week ago, he must've done something right.

I used all of my will to take hold of his hand and look him in the eyes. "You can tell me anything, Freddie." I pursed my lips so I didn't burst out laughing.

He looked shocked and then a rushed stream of words came out of his mouth. It sounded something like, "douwanagooutwithme?"

I blinked. "What?"

"Do you wanna go out?" he asked and then added as an afterthought, "together."

"Oh," I replied and immediately let go of his hand. I laced my hands together and hid behind a curtain of my hair, concentrating on my fingers. The thing was, Freddie was a dork. Why I was friends with him, I had no idea. And I didn't get why I was even trying to pretend we were friends because the reason I had was stupid. But I had been using it for days and I wasn't giving up on it now. So I took a deep breath and murmured, "I don't think we should. I mean, we're just friends right? That's what you keep saying. And even if we were more than that, I barley know who you are. Okay?" I had said it as kindly as possible and it almost killed me.

His face fell. "Yeah, okay..." he agreed and abruptly shot up from the couch. "Uh, see you later." He practically ran to the door.

"Wait, Freddie!" I called but he was already out the door. "Great," I muttered and slumped against the couch. Now I was alone in an empty apartment with the creaking.

Would this nightmare ever end?

**Freddie's POV:**

I lay on my bed, staring at my ceiling, two hours after I discovered something about myself; I'm the biggest coward to walk this universe.

I pushed myself up off the bed and stormed around my room. I knew I needed to tell Sam the truth. Carly was right - she deserved to know, even if it meant Sam beating the crap out of me.

But no! I had walked in there like a complete idiot, stumbling all over my words as she had held my hand and looked into my eyes and...I couldn't help it! It's why I lied to her in the first place - so I could start a relationship with Sam without getting punched or laughed at!

And what was I thinking, trying to go out with a girl who didn't remember anything about her life? What kind of sicko lies to a girl like that just so he can get a date? God, I was such an idiot! Not only had I lied, I actually had the nerve to ask her out instead of telling the truth and _she had still rejected me._ If that's not karma, I don't know what is.

I collapsed back on my bed with a sigh. I had been getting up, pacing, and sitting down for the past two hours. The fact that I was a liar and a coward was enough to worry about, but I was worried about Sam herself. I'd told her that we had always gotten along like civilized citizens. I thought it would be great, finally having Sam off my back.

Turns out, it's not.

Sam was Sam. She wasn't someone who could just be your friend and worship the ground you walk on. If you wanted the Sam Puckett experience, you needed the whole deal: aggressiveness and all. Sam without the violence is just, well...Melanie. And I'm not in love with Melanie - I'm in love with violent, aggressive, _amazing_ Sam. Take it or leave it.

Nice and caring Sam was just weird. She wasn't the girl I was in love with. I realized today, when she turned me down so sweetly that that wasn't her. And I was such a jerk for thinking I could change her.

I sighed. I didn't think I could stand the rest of the week with sweet Sam but I was too much of a coward to tell her the truth. I cursed myself in my head.

I'd just hold out for the week and take the beating when she got her memory back. Then our lives would finally be back to normal.

My cell phone rung in my pocket and I took it out, glancing at the caller ID. Carly. I flipped it open. "Hey, Carly, what's - "

"Did you tell Sam yet?" she uttered. There was something in her voice. I couldn't quite tell what it was but it sounded...pinched.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Well, actually, Carly, I was kind of - "

"It's permanent," she interrupted and her voice trembled.

I frowned. "_What's _permanent?"

"The amnesia. Freddie, Pam just called me. Dr. Stevens got some tests back and - and they weren't good." She took a deep breath. "He said it will never go away. He said she can put her in special programming and we can try to rebuild her life as best as we can. Unless she has some epiphany, she'll never remember the first sixteen years of her life, Freddie."

I tried to swallow a bulging lump in my throat. "No," I choked out. "He said she'd be fine."

"He said he was _almost _sure it was temporary. And he was wrong."

"But," I stammered, my face falling apart, breaking into tiny horrified pieces on the ground, "but he's wrong. He read the tests wrong then, Carly, Sam can't have amnesia her whole life!"

"Well, she does," Carly snapped. "Sorry to upset your little world of lies, Freddie, but guess what? She doesn't remember anything. She only knows the things we told her. She barley even knows who Spencer is and she's only met Gibby once. Face it!" She was screaming now. "She's not Sam! She doesn't remember anything about us or anything she ever was! Freddie, she doesn't even know how to get to the iCarly website! The Sam we used to know isn't her!" She was choking out sobs now and I could barley understand what she was saying. Still, her words struck me like a brick to the back of the head.

"Sam's gone. And she's never coming back."

**Hello, my followers! Why did I just say that? Oh, never mind. Either way, I'm back within a month! Isn't that amazing? ;) For those of you who read iSlip Up, you might of noticed I mentioned I'm gonna try to post more often. And I will! But please, don't be too upset with me if I forget that resolution in a week ;) Anways, I really hope you liked that chapter and I must thank my wonderful readers:**

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**for sticking by me and reviewing on the last chapter and many more? Thank you guys ;) Anyway, you know the drill, please, PLEASSSSSE review and I shall get working on a new chapter. Thanks for reading!**

**-Gallifrey101**

**PS: I just realized I used the wink emoticon a lot, which, oddly enough, I can't even do in real life. Huh.**

**PPS: Oh, and SkyLeinz? Yes. That is DEFINITELY enough love.**


	11. iTry to Help

**Freddie's POV:**

No. Too bad. I wasn't taking this from Carly. I wasn't the one who let her fall. I wasn't the one who could've stopped all this in the first place and then blamed it on someone else!

Nope. I was just the one who lied about half of her life.

I pressed the END button and flung my phone on my table. I paced around my room, almost breaking out into a run then realized how little space I had. So I ripped my jacket off the back of my chair and ran out of my room.

"Where are you going?" my Mom asked, crossing her arms.

"Out," I grunted, flinging open the door and racing outside.

I walked/ran along the sidewalk, breathing heavily. I looked to my right to see the street sign for Charlotte Road, the place where Sam had shoved me into a pole after I refused to give her the change I had in my pocket. I shook my head and kept on walking.

And that, I noted, passing the weird shape in the sidewalk, is where Sam had pushed me into wet cement, laughed but looked so sad when I had gotten back up. She'd kept on pushing me until she had scribbled, 'ARTWORK BY SP' into the corner.

I skidded in my tracks and flipped around to go the other direction. I ended up running through a hedge and pushing through bushes. I remembered how Sam used to claim that this was a shortcut to some unknown place she had been to when she was little. We had never found it but we had found that park.

I came into the clearing and almost smiled. It looked as abandoned as it had been eight years ago. The same little playground was there with the tire swing. I remember everything from that day, from the uneasiness of the wind to when Sam had suddenly fallen to her knees in shock. It had been the first time in my life I'd ever seen Sam Puckett cry. I had always wondered why she'd been so upset, but I had never been brave enough to ask. I smiled ruefully. Guess I'd never know now.

And that's when I did what Sam had done so many years ago. I let my knees buckle beneath me and let hot tears stream down my face. I had all these memories and pinpoints of everything that had happened between us and iCarly and how she used to talk about things that she remembered when she was really young, before her Dad left, at least once a year and how she seemed so happy. And she didn't remember any of it. She was just an empty shell now. Sure, she looked like Sam and smelt like Sam and maybe she even sounded like Sam, but she wasn't. I didn't know her anymore.

Epiphany, that's what Carly had said. So, what - you get something, some instant reminder and all her memories would come back? Maybe a picture or a reenactment or -

iCarly.

I picked myself off the ground and dragged the back of my hand across my nose. She deserved to be Sam again. I didn't care what the hell happened to me, as long as she came back. That was it. No more lies. I would pack every memory into a little box and shove it down her throat if I needed to. She was gonna remember all the petty little details of her life, whether she liked it or not.

And there was no cowardly little impulses that would change that.

**Sam's POV:**

"I'm so sorry," Carly repeated for the thousandth time. She was sniffling as she told me all of this and it was getting hard to understand her.

"But you said it was temporary," I protested. So my best friend had lied to me about my own illness and the other was the only way I could get thoughts that were torturing me out of my head? God, I needed to get my life in check.

Carly wiped her sleeve across her nose and hiccuped. "I - I thought it was. He said he was almost positive but there were tests and - " She threw her head back and wailed, "I'M SO SORRY!" Sobs started racking through her body and I awkwardly patted her shoulder.

"It's okay," I insisted. "Carly, everything will be fine." Could teenage girls explode from crying? She looked like she was a bomb, counting down to complete destruction.

She laughed suddenly, but it was full of sadness and she shook her head. "Look at me, blubbering like a baby and you're the one who doesn't remember."

I shrugged. "Don't remember, don't miss it." Permanent? So did this mean I'd be stuck with that one horrible memory of my Dad, not knowing why he killed himself for all of eternity? No. That wasn't fair! I needed to find out what it was, if it was stress or my Mom or maybe even me. How was I supposed to find out now? My mom wouldn't tell me anything! Did this mean I'd be stuck with the creaking all my life?

Suddenly, the door flew open and Freddie burst in, carrying a huge cardboard box. He slammed it down on the coffee table and me and Carly both jumped.

"Sam, I hate you," he stated, breathing heavily.

Carly glared at him and I gave him a confused look. "What?"

"I hate you and you hate me," he continued. "I lied. I told you we were best friends and I told you lies, but the truth is that you make my life miserable."

I gave him a confused look. "What? What do you mean? So - so is everything you guys told me a lie?" I shot up from my seat. Had I wasted all this time pretending that I treated Freddie like a brother when I really wanted to rip his guts out? Had I done all this over a stupid lie?

"No," Carly spluttered, still crying and sniffling. "I w - wanted to tell you, S - Sam, but Freddie wouldn't let me. He wanted some p - peace and he thought you would get b - better if you - "

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" I screamed at him. "Do you know how much time I wasted pretending - ugh, never mind! Why are you here anyway? Get out! Or, would you like to tell me something else? That we're secretly mountain climbers? Or, I know, we have our own donut shop!" I gave him a death glare. What a stupid jerk! "Why are you still here, dishrag?"

He blinked and innocently patted the box. "To make you remember what really happened." I just kept my glare steady without responding, so he continued. "I don't know why I did it, Sam. But I was a jerk and I lied and I'll fix it." He looked like he was about to burst into tears. "I'll fix it."

I almost felt bad for the guy. _Almost. _I sighed. "Freddie - "

"Here," he said eagerly, reaching inside the box and pulling out a bottle of some weird cream. "This is the anti-tick lotion my Mom used to use on me. You always used to make fun of me for it." He shoved it into my hands and reached inside the box again.

"Freddie - " I tried to interrupt but he pulled out a weird looking harness.

"This is from when we snuck into Nevel's house and you spun me around and let Nevel's grandmother whack me with an umbrella instead of helping me down." He dropped the harness on the ground and reached inside the box again. He pulled out some grey cloths.

"This is the nug-nug costume I wore to school when we made the bet that you couldn't insult me for the week and if you did, you'd have to give me five dollars." He pushed the costume into my hands. "Starting to remember?"

"Freddie," I said warningly.

"Shh," he hushed me and continued riffling through the box. What did he think he was doing? Obviously, I wasn't gonna -

"Oh and this!" he exclaimed with a smile, dropping a red sock onto the pile. "This is what you put in my washing machine when you tried to convince me I would have endless bad luck from a chain letter."

"Freddie, _seriously _- "

"And look!" he said, taking his laptop out of the box. He opened up the iCarly website, scrolling through the videos. "See there's one here, this was a long time ago - " He clicked one and what looked like a younger version of me started teasing him on camera. Didn't he understand this wasn't helping anything?

"Freddie, I mean it - "

He reached inside the box. "And this is from - "

"Will you stop!?" I screamed. I threw all the stupid crap in my hands on the floor and glared at him. He took an uneasy step back. "Don't you get it? Don't you get what you did!?"

"Sam, I didn't - "

"You didn't what? Didn't care? Didn't _think? _Do you know how much of an idiot you are!? You told me all these stupid lies and now you expect me to remember all the stupid shit I used to? Just like that? Freddie, I'm never gonna remember anything! Ever again! All I remember is whatever stupid stuff has happened this week which has been horrible enough as it is!" I kicked the coffee table and the box flew off it, smacking into the door. "And Carly, you too! You just went along with this stupid charade and for what? So you could get some peace?"

"S - Sam," Cary pleaded.

I laughed at her. Actually laughed. "Hate to tell you this, Shay, but whatever messed up kid you grew up with is gone. Some 'best friends' you two are. Whatever. I don't need this. _Any _of this. You can do your stupid webcast without me. And you can both get the hell out of my life!" I threw open the door and stormed out, tears flying from my eyes. I angrily scrubbed them away. What was I crying for anyway? Crying for the Dad I never knew? Crying for my 'best friends' who'd lied to me about half of my life? Crying for every screwed up thing that had happened this week? Or crying for the heartbroken people I'd just left in the apartment?

Someone grabbed my arm, but I had had enough of this. I wrenched my arm out of their grip and whirled around to face them. Well, of course it was him.

"Get the hell away from me."

"Wait, Sam," Freddie said nervously. "I'm just - I'm just - "

"Just _what!?"_ I screeched.

"I'm just sorry! I'm just - I'm in love with you and I don't know what to do about it. I - I was confused. I was an idiot and a jerk and I just wanted to understand, I wanted to get to know you better. I never meant for this to happen. I - I didn't think it would happen."

"I know you didn't. You just didn't think, did you? I don't want any of your stupid dramatic speeches. And, hey, I'm sorry you don't know how to handle your feelings but that's not my problem. I'm not the girl you knew. I'm just someone who looks like her. Just someone who was lied to." I smiled ruefully. "Sorry to burst your bubble, Fredchunks. Have fun with your stupid fucking life."

I tore my eyes away from his watery ones and walked away.

And I didn't look back.

**Freddie's POV:**

I stood in the hallway, tears tracking down my cheeks as I stared at the empty hallway where she'd been standing just two seconds ago. She was gone. Sam - Sam was actually gone.

I shuffled back into the apartment, dimly aware that Carly was screaming at me through fat tears that were spilling from her eyes. Something about it being my fault, something about how if I hadn't lied we'd still have iCarly, we'd still have simplicity.

We'd still have Sam.

"See if I ever even speak to you again, Freddie Benson!" was what echoed in my ears as Carly weeped and stomped up the stairs. Had I told her that she was right? Had I told her the Sam was actually gone this time? That she would never forgive me? That we'd just have a feeble memory of a blonde, reckless girl we once knew for the rest of our lives?

I collapsed on the couch, clutching a pillow against my head. Then I forgot everything. Everything was just a dull, nagging ache in the back of my mind. My whole whole world was just a couch, a pillow and a dazed boy in a lonely, quiet apartment.

And, vaguely, in the depths of my mind, I wished the girls I had once loved would come back to me.

** I - am - back! I don't know how long I've actually been gone, but I have a feeling it's been long enough. Anyway, I'm finally here and I come with a very new and very dramatic chapter. I also have to mention that the end is near, not just because it's true, but because I've always wanted to say that. Oh and before iForget *snort, giggle* a big thanks to all my reviewers!**

**Geekquality **

** .seddie**

**myjumpingsocks**

**JustinAbel**

** By the way, I was reading some of my older reviews and I just wanted to really thank all of you for reviewing. IT'S SO AWESOME! Plz, PLZ review and I'll post the next chapter as soon as I can!**

**-Gallifrey101**

**PS: SkyLeinz, I missed your review last time. I consider you and myjumpingsocks a regular. D': Where'd you go?**


	12. iAuthor's Note (Bad News, Guys)

**This story is on hold indefinitely. I am so so sorry. Hopefully, I will continue writing this in 2013. I really love reading all your reviews and won't forget the people waiting for the next chapter. Thank you guys so so much for your patience.**

**- Gallifrey101 :**


	13. iSam I Am

**Freddie's POV:**

My eyes flew open as I registered that someone was pounding on the door. I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep for but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything right now.

I clamped the pillow I was holding over my ears and groaned. "Go away," I moaned from the couch. Every part of me ached and I was sure if I started talking, I'd break down into tears. And I _really_ didn't feel like sobbing in front of some telemarketer selling vacuums.

"Freddie!" screamed a voice, the sound of it lighting every single one of my nerves on fire. "Freddie, open this God damned door!"

I scrambled up from the couch and yanked open the door to be met by the blue, teary eyes of the girl I loved. "Sam?" I asked softly. Her chest was heaving and I could see the struggle in her eyes as she bit back sobs. "Why are you - "

She suddenly held up a battered book, with a torn, black cover and pages threatening to flutter out. I raised my eyebrows, looking at her in confusion. "It's a diary," she said, her voice suddenly a whisper. "I've been keeping it...for a long time."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I'd never seen her look so desperate before. "Sam," I finally managed, reaching out to take her hand. "Come inside, sit down." She nodded numbly and followed me in, slamming the door behind her. I sat down on the couch and she followed, trembling violently. I examined her defeated slouch, biting my lip in worry. "Sam, you're shaking."

"I started writing it," she continued, as if I hadn't spoken at all, "When I started getting feelings for you."

My eyes widened, my mind a whirlwind of incoherent thoughts as I watched her. "Sam, how do you even remember - "

"I thought I was crazy." She let out a small laugh, tears falling down her cheeks. "I thought if I kept writing that it would all go away and I could deny that I was in love with you. But eventually I just accepted it and never told you, because it was so damn hard and it hurt so much. Because you've always been the one I hated and you loved Carly and I couldn't let you know how weak I was." She sucked in a deep breath, her voice shaking. "I went home after I yelled at you. My mom was pissed, of course, but I didn't really care. I went upstairs and in my room and started tearing things apart because I was so fucking mad."

Her eyes met mine then, desperate and anguished. I didn't know what was happening. I was barely aware of the fact she was beside me, let alone that she'd just told me she was in love with me. This was a dream. It had to be. I was still asleep on Carly's couch and Sam was still gone.

But then she clutched at my arm, her fingers digging into my skin and I knew it was real, that she was real, that everything she was saying was so, _so_ real. "Freddie," she started quietly, tears spilling over her eyes. "I found this diary. I read it. And now...I remember. I remember everything. I remember being little and violent and fighting with Melanie and meeting Carly and hurting you." She clenched her hands into fists. "I remember hurting you a lot. I don't - I don't really want to hurt you anymore."

"S - Sam?" I asked, my voice trembling. "It's - it's really you?"

She beamed then, despite the tears trailing down her cheeks. "Yup. Sam I am. And when I say I don't want to hurt you, that doesn't mean I don't want to prank you." She paused then glared. "And just because I'm in love with you doesn't mean you're not a nub. You got that, Benson?"

"It's - you remember?" I dumbly spluttered out.

She laughed, wiping away her tears with the heel of her palm. "Wow. You really are an idiot, aren't you, Fudgeface?"

I blinked, my mind a dizzy haze. Before I knew what I was doing, I took both sides of her face in my hands and slammed my lips against hers. She let out a slight gasp before tangling her hands in my hair, mouth desperate against mine. I felt her tears smear against my cheeks and I reached down to grip her hips with bruising pressure, pulling her impossibly closer to me. She was back. She was back and she was Sam and she loved me. She was back and I was never going to let her go.

I parted from her for a moment to look into her teary eyes, realizing my own eyes had started to water too. "Sam, I'm so sorry, I never should have lied to you, I just - "

"Will you just shut up and kiss me?" she demanded, her hands tugging impatiently at my hair. I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. I hadn't heard that playful, teasing tone from her in what felt like an eternity - I hadn't even remembered how she'd get that adorable look on her face every time she got mad, her eyes all scrunched up and eyebrows furrowed. It was everything that made her Sam and everything that made me love her.

I pulled her back to me, lips meeting hers with even more force. I smiled into her mouth, licking her lips slightly. God, she was so perfect. I remember how it felt to kiss her on my balcony, how soft and flush her lips had been against mine, how I'd thought about her taste for days on end, dismissing it as some weird virus instead of facing the fact that I was falling for her.

She let out a small whimper - Sam Puckett, _whimpering_ - as my tongue slipped into her mouth. Her hands tightened in my hair and she pulled me closer, my body pressing against hers. I let out a low moan, my hands tightening at her sides. "I love you," I murmured before I could stop myself.

"Sam!?" Carly's voice rang throughout the apartment and we sprang apart, whipping around to see Carly standing at the bottom of the stairs in shock. "Why are you back here? I thought..." she trailed off, chewing nervously on her lower lip.

"She - she got her memory back," I managed to stammer out, wondering if Carly was still mad at me.

Carly's eyes widened, her eyes settling on the blonde. "You - oh my God, Sam! You remember everything now!?" Sam nodded, smiling slightly. Carly beamed, her eyes lighting up as she started spewing words at a hundred miles per hour. "I can't believe it, Sam, you're back, I told Freddie not to lie to you, by the way, like all the time, but he thought it would be easier to be with you or something like that but I didn't think he was in love with you, which he obviously is because he just said it and you were just making out on my couch and, by the way, you should've at least told me you were back to normal before sucking face, it's the polite thing to do and since when did you like Freddie, you never told me, why didn't you tell me, I'm your best friend!" She sucked in a deep breath, looking at the both of us with wild eyes. "So!?"

Sam's eyes narrowed. "'So' what?"

"So, how are you feeling? How did you get your memory back? How did you and Freddie get together!?" Carly practically screamed. Seeing Sam blink aimlessly, she slammed her hands down on the couch, causing the both of us to jump back in surprise. "WHAT HAPPENED!?"

"Uh..." Sam trailed off, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. Finally, she shrugged, putting her hands behind her head and lazily stretching her legs out across the couch. She grinned up at Carly, one of the brightest, most beautiful grins I'd ever witnessed in my entire life. She winked at her before laughing slightly and answering her in a smooth, sly voice.

"I forget."

** Okay, wow! Last chapter before the epilogue! This story is officially off hiatus! *Jack Sparrow voice* DRINKS ALL AROUND! A quick note: iSlip Up is still on hold and probably will be for a long time. Also, I have the epilogue all written up, so I just have to edit a few things and it should be ready to publish within half an hour! :) EEEEEEEE! And, as usual, I'd like to thank my amazing reviewers:**

**Geekquality**

**myjumpingsocks**

**SkyLienz**

** All of you are absolutely wonderful for being this patient and putting up with my lazy butt. I know it's horrible and annoying and I am so sorry. But it will be finished really soon and then maybe you won't hate me as much! :) So, as always, I love reviews and appreciate each one I get and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I love you all.**

**- Gallifrey101**


	14. iEpilogue

**Sam's POV:**

Sometimes I wish I could forget. Sometimes I think that amnesia was a blessing in disguise. Because now I remember.

I remember how my mom said, "There are some memories that no one should have. You should be glad you get to escape them."

Sometimes I'd remember and I'd agree.

I remember being alone with Freddie when we were younger and how Carly would try to get us to be friends. And I'd alwaysget him into some sort of trouble, pushing him around, beating him up, one time blaming him for throwing a rock at a windshield. I remember his face and how he'd gape at me and claim his innocence, pleading with me to tell the truth to the cop that had seen the rock fly. I remember that sometimes I would give in - and sometimes I would let it go as far as the juvie cell and then tell the officer through fake tears that I had 'accidently' done something and my friend had taken the blame and how I would take his place. I remember both of their faces as they saw Sam Puckett burst into tears. I remember how much I laughed that I screwed over a cop afterwards.

I remember when we took a shortcut to a place I wanted to find that didn't even exist. I'd wanted to show Freddie that I knew where to go, that I was smarter and stronger and could find a great new place for us to play. We ended up in a park that hadn't been used in years. I remember the breeze that whipped through my hair and made me feel uneasy. I remember the cry of, "Look! A swing!" and how I slowly turned around to face the nerd. I remember the tire tied to the tree by a rope and the creak it made as it swung back and forth as Freddie swung happily on it. I remember the _creak, creak. _I remember collapsing on the ground in front of him, feeling so week, hearing the same _creak, creak _that taunted me everywhere I went.

I can still hear it sometimes. When I'm walking or sleeping or when I'm eating. _Creak, creak._

I remember when I was eight and how Melanie would push me down the stairs every time I came up them. I remember her screaming at me, how it was my fault, how if I was better and if I didn't get in so much trouble Daddy would have never killed himself. And I let her push me down until I couldn't breathe because I agreed with her. It was my fault. And I remember how I'd climb all the way to the top just to be pushed down again. And I'd never make it up. I remember how she screamed.

"This is your fault!" she'd scream. "You did this Sammy! And now he's gone forever, do you realize that!? He's gone! And now Mom'll hardly even move! She's been lying on the couch for weeks, Sammy! You have to force feed her! Do you understand what you've done!?"

I'd nod and she'd just shake her head. "You're pathetic, Sammy! Toughen up and quit being a problem! We've got enough of those." Then she'd push me down the stairs again.

_Creak, creak._

I remember being nine and being dragged away by a man I'd never seen before. I remember letting him, thinking there was no point. I remember the knife that was pressed against my cheek and his raspy voice telling me it would be quick. I remember the coolness of the blade and then I remembered my mom, sitting on the couch alone, not moving. She was already dealing with Dad. I couldn't let him do this to me - no matter how bad I wanted him to. I remember taking the knife in my own hands and spitting threatening words I had heard on TV that I wasn't supposed to watch.

I remember walking home with the blood on my hands. I remember running home as fast I could, seeing red dots as my legs flew. I remember letting the cool water run through my fingers and watching the water turn red. I remember thinking that someone would find him. That what I'd done really wasn't that bad. That I had just left him barely bleeding, not lying on the side of the road like he would've left me.

I remember opening the door and walking out without really knowing what I was doing. I remember climbing up the stairs to be greeted by Melanie. "Where were you, Sammy?" I remember her words. _Toughen up, Sammy! You're pathetic, Sammy! Get some courage, Sammy! Deal with it, Sammy! _I remember the punch I delivered to her then. I remember feeling invincible at that moment as I hit her over and over. I remember the feeling of finally getting to push her down the stairs - but I also remember the feeling of her dragging me along with her.

_Creak, creak._

I remember grabbing Melanie's notepad, as the red marker rested in my hand. I remember the drawings I drew that were horrible and disgusting and I remember signing them all SAMMY. I remember how I forgot about Sammy and what she did and how she killed my dad and the deep red blood on her hands.

I remember Melanie crying over the things Sammy did. I remember the look on her face when the Scholarship letter came in the mail and her escaping the house as soon as she could. I remember Sammy watching from the window as the cab drove away and how she thought, "Good riddance."

_Creak, creak._

I remember it being all Sammy's fault. I remember the days it would haunt me and I'd feel so fucking stupid. I remember how I felt like some soap opera, obsessing over something that happened over six years ago.

But I'd plaster a smile on my face and keep going and no one would suspect a thing. And I'd feel like I was climbing up the stairs all over again, making my way up the steps, fooling every person I passed. I'd be one more step from the top and then Freddie would come and push me back down with words that would throw all my work and effort away. And I'd scream and throw punches like hell because he was bringing Sammy back.

I remember the insults I tried to drive into his mind and the punches I tried to force into his skull and hoped to god he'd finally leave me alone and take Sammy with him. But every day he'd come back and I'd plunge down those stairs, banging into every obstacle and I felt like everyone _knew._

And I remember how sweet Carly Shay would wonder why I was being mean to an innocent little boy who only wanted to help me out. I remember telling her that maybe she and Mister Freddie Benson should worry about their own delicate little problems and fuck off. I also remember how she didn't talk to me for a week after that.

_Creak, creak._

I remember being older and how I knew Freddie now and the bruises and cuts from the stairs were everlasting as he'd shove me down and laugh at my blood. I remember how much I wanted to charge back up and spit the blood he thought was so funny right into his twisted little face and how, at the same time, I wanted to be a part of him and let him call me his.

I remember throwing everything around my room and screaming at the top of my lungs because the feelings I had about him weren't right and I didn't understand why they were there. I remember collapsing on my grungy bed and sobbing into my pillow as I learned that I was helplessly in love with someone who needed to be driven out of my life before I went so insane I did something that even Sammy wouldn't approve of.

And I remember throwing open a book so I could draw the violent pictures like she used too, because this was the only room I had and I didn't want cracks in my wall from my punches. I remember how I vomited then cried myself to sleep and how I ripped out the pictures the next morning. And I remember throwing the book in my bag and carrying it around with me so I could write everything down and kill the feelings before they got out of hand.

I remember wrapping myself into a ball as I realized it was too late.

_ Creak, creak._

And, oh god, I remember the admiration. How I'd stare at him every day and try to figure out what made him special. I remember how Carly would smirk at me and how much I would want to wipe that smile off her face because the acclaimed Carly Shay didn't even have a clue what it was like to be in love with the one person who controlled you with your weakest strands of string, smiling like a puppeteer who looked down at his latest work, flopping around on the ground.

I remember how sometimes I'd feel like that after he pushed me down again, he'd look up at his goddess for approval and she'd tell him he'd done well. Because good for him. He broke the blond girl that tortured him so much.

_Creak, creak._

And, I remember how I didn't remember anything at all. How Sammy never existed and Freddie was my friend, not the person who made me wake up screaming in the middle of the night. I remember asking myself why, because he looked like such a dork and I felt like I was being interrogated each time he asked me a simple question.

I remember after not understanding why this boy was (not) my friend and why he'd lied, I'd found my book wedged under my mattress and the memories came flooding back, shattering the world where life was simple, like a baseball to window. I remember falling to my knees and letting sobs rack through my body as I remembered why I hated him so much. I remember how after my attack of emotions was done, I couldn't stand it anymore, I couldn't stand falling down again, so I ran and told him that I loved him. And I remember how he admitted he loved me too. But the perfect world of Freddie and Sam had ended as after Carly had finished going into her little freakout, he picked up the book and asked, with a sweet boyish innocence, "who's Sammy?"

_Creak, Creak_

I remember the first sixteen years of my life and how every bone-shattering second was full of pain. Yes, I remember the bad things.

But I remember everything else too.

I remember when his hands were shaking and his forehead was sweating and how there was a tremor in his voice as he asked if I would like to go see a movie with him. I remember how corny it felt as soon as the words left his mouth. And I remember how fast I'd replied, "as long as it's not too nubbish."

I remember how his sweaty palm felt in mine as we trudged along the sidewalk in the rain, coming home from the worst movie I had ever seen in my life. I remember seeing his nervous eyes as he tried to decide whether or not he should kiss me as we stood on my doorstep. I remember making the decision for him, by grabbing his shirt and slamming my lips against his. I remember how right after, he had stammered, "W - wanna be my girlfriend?" in a slurred, dazed voice.

I remember Carly jumping up and down as she squealed because her secret 'Seddie' ship had finally gotten together. I remember how Freddie had blushed and I had glared at her outburst and how she burst out laughing at our reactions.

I remember Freddie bashfully shoving a teddy bear in my arms because it was our one year anniversary and I wondered how the hell the nub remembered these things. I remember feeling sad that I didn't and how I had surprisingly crushed him against me and actually thanked him instead of giving him some snide remark.

I remember how he had made actual _reservations _at a restaurant with a fancy french name and how my eyes had almost glittered as I scanned all the meat on the menu and how I eventually had Freddie order for me and how, right after he said, "ribs," I'd replied, "don't listen to the nub, I want a steak." I remember how halfway through dinner his leg was bouncing up and down and how he was tugging at his collar and admitted that he had arranged this fancy thing because he wanted to tell me he was in love with me and had been ever since Carly had uttered the words, "Sam's been in an accident." I remember how words poured out of his mouth, almost against his will, as he told me how much he cared and adored me and needed me to make him feel happy. And I remember how I had smiled through a mouthful of meat and told him that this steak must be good, because I felt the exact same way.

I remember going home with him that night and how clothes were thrown on the floor and after all the mush was said and Freddie had called me beautiful, he looked dead into my eyes and asked if I was ready. I had simply grinned back, shrugged, and said, "There's a first time for everything."

I remember the biggest fight in all of history. Bigger than the fights me and Melanie would have at the top of the stairs, bigger than all of the fights we'd ever had combined. I remember how we had screamed at each other and how I thought miles away, kids would cry and cover their ears because we were just that loud. I remember how disgusting our words were and how he, Freddie Benson, actually punched a hole in the wall, narrowly missing my face. And I remember how we had shoved each other and how I had eventually kicked him out of my room and fell on the ground sobbing, wondering why he had to push me down those stairs again, why Sammy had resurfaced and why he had made the creaking louder than it had ever been before. And I remember how I had laughed while I had cried because his precious Carly would be ever so sad that her Seddie ship had finally parted.

And I remember how exactly three minutes and forty-eight seconds later, he had came back into my room and collapsed on the floor, crying even more than me. I remember how we both apologized through fat tears and how we had held onto each other, because if we didn't, the world would surely slowly break apart into a thousand tiny pieces. I remember how we stayed there, sobbing and silently rocking back and forth until we fell asleep, as we had the night I first dreamt of the creaking.

I remember the night of graduation, how Carly had pulled me aside, her voice high and squirrelly like it was when she sobbed as she explained that her agent had finally gotten her her big break and she would be the next big thing in Hollywood. She had found out two months ago but couldn't find a right time to tell me and she was sorry and that iCarly was finally ending. We had hugged and cried as she explained that she would be moving but Gibby had promised her to follow her everywhere. She explained it all, while tears blurred over her eyes and slowly rolled down her cheeks and she said that she never wanted to leave her family, because that's what we were. Through a sad smile she had added that I would at least have Freddie.

I remember me and Freddie sitting on his couch, our hands intertwined as we remembered the days where Carly suggested we make a web show and Freddie had thought we should name it iCarly. I for internet and Carly for, well, Carly. I remember how I leaned my head against his shoulder as we laughed and remembered how Gibby used to get up on tables and dance with his shirt off and how Spencer used to be molding sculptures in the apartment, but now had at least three of his pieces in a museum and was moving to an actual _house_ near Carly. I remember how I had sniffled and admitted that everyone we knew was leaving and I didn't want the same thing to happen to us.

I remember his smile as he said it never would and how he kissed me so delicately and peacefully. I remember how he said that he never wanted to be separated from me either and how I had looked at him strangely when he had slipped off the couch. I remember how I thought he was pulling out some prank from his pocket when he reached into his jacket and how my eyes had widened as he pulled out a purple velvet box. I remember how our eyes had instantly watered as Freddie claimed he never wanted to separate from me, because I was the only girl he ever loved, screw Carly and all. I remember how quickly I had screamed yes after he asked to spend the rest of his life with me and how we had hugged like the night we had the huge blowout.

I remember phoning to talk to Melanie for the first time in years, because Freddie insisted we tell everyone. I remember how I prayed that she didn't pick up, she didn't pick up so I could leave a message with no directions and she wouldn't bother to call back. I remember her answering anyway. I remember how surprised she sounded to hear my voice and how even more surprised she was when I invited her to my own wedding.

And I remember the actual day of the wedding, when I paced nervously right outside the alter, Spencer at my side - he was like a Dad to me, I had asked him to walk me down the aisle and he had happily agreed - while Carly sobbed behind me, wailing about how it all had happened so fast and she didn't know where her life went. I remember that she was stressed about her movie coming out in two weeks and that even though I was the bride and I was the one who was supposed to be crying and having second thoughts, I sat with Carly and soothed her hair until she was forced to walk down the aisle, wearing the bridesmaid dress that she had picked out - she had designed the whole wedding, after all.

I remember getting impatient as the minister asked us to repeat after him because of course I would never leave Freddie, sickness and in health and everyone knew it. But I remember looking at his face and went through with the vows and the ceremony because I would give anything to spend the rest of my life with him.

I remember crying alone in my room because I was only twenty-one. I remember Freddie was on campus and I was tucked away in my room, sick and sobbing and I remember how it had dawned on me that I was over six days late. I remember how I ran to the store and bought the test, peed on the stick like I was supposed to and how a plus sign had appeared. I remember buying practically every single one in the store, because, no, I couldn't be pregnant. And I remember how I sobbed because my life was so terrible and my parents were never even there and I was always alone. I remember how I couldn't stand the thought of putting someone else what I went through and I wanted to never mention it to Freddie because he would insist that I would be a great mom and he would say I was being ridiculous.

I remember how I forgot to lock the door and how he had asked me what was wrong as soon as he had walked inside and saw my wet eyes.

I remember how at that very moment, I felt like I was looking up those stairs again. That my ultimate challenge was to get up, fooling him so I could give this baby a better home than it would have if it was stuck with me.

I remember how it was five years ago as words came tumbling out of my mouth as I explained that there was something living inside of me. I remember how I had tried to explain that we needed to find a better home for it and how he had held me and stroked my hair and told me that the best home it could have would be with the both of us. I remember how I had sobbed and protested and wailed that I wouldn't let a child be in a horrible home. I remember the smile on his face as he told me he wouldn't want to either, and that's why we weren't giving it up.

I remember trembling as Freddie wheeled me into the hospital, Carly behind him as she tried to convince me that Carly was a perfect name for my firstborn. I remember how I had glared at her and told her that just because I was pregnant didn't mean I couldn't still take her down.

I remember how after all the screaming and the pushing and Freddie looking like he was about to faint, the nurse had told me it was a boy and placed a sticky red blob in my arms.

I remember how we had rested in the hospital bed and Freddie had reminded me that he needed a name. I remember how he tucked a strand of matted blonde hair behind my ear and said we should name the baby Tucker, after my Dad. I remember how tears had welled up in my eyes but I had still agreed because yes, that was a perfect idea.

I remember the day that everything fell apart. I remember that Carly was babysitting Tucker, I remember that Freddie was at work, teaching his film and tech class and how I was all alone in our small apartment that we'd managed to buy with Carly's help. I remember how I hadn't heard the creaking in years, because Freddie had taken all the pain away and I never felt it when I was with him or our child. I remember how neither of them were there and how the creaking had come back, and I'd collapsed on the floor as I tried to get rid of it and Sammy once and for all but my attempts had just made it worse.

I remember how Freddie had come home and begged me to tell him what was wrong. I remember looking into his desperate eyes and how he looked into my watery ones as he pleaded with me to confess.

So I did.

I remember telling him everything, the things I had never told _ anyone _before. I remember telling him who Sammy really was, the things she did, how Melanie had tortured her and me and how he had once made it worse. I remember telling him about the creaking and how he was the only one who made it go away, that he was the only one I'd loved and hated at the same time. I remember feeling like I was finally done, that I would stay at the bottom of those stairs forever now that he knew.

I remember how he did something unexpected and guided me back up. I remember how he told me we were taking a different route than the one I was used to. I remember how he got me help and how he told me instead of pretending, we'd get past this for real.

I remember being furious with him, because I had confessed to everything and now he was forcing me to go to some shrink I had never met. I remember thinking that he thought I was crazy, that he was doing this to get rid of me, that he didn't understand what it all really meant.

I remember how he helped. How everyone helped. How my world was no longer one of complete torment, but one of Freddie, of Carly, of Tucker, of _ life. _I remember feeling so corny and so cliché but how I felt free and for once happy.

And I remember how something being all Freddie's fault was a good thing.

My sad little life - I remember it all.

And I remember how Freddie changed it. How he made me happy to get up in the morning, happy that I got to live, instead of wanting to curl up into the corner of the room and wishing it would end. My new, better life is amazing - and it's just begun. Tucker's only one and just learning how to walk. I owe it all - everything - to Freddie. My husband. My friend. My nubby little tech geek.

I remember every single aspect of my life.

And I never want to forget.

** That's - that's it. Wow. This is actually really emotional for me, you guys, this is the first chapter fanfic I've ever finished :') I want to thank all of you for reading this and reviewing and being wonderful. I know I'm being all dramatic, but it means a lot to me that you all read and enjoyed it and begged me to update and things like that. **

** Thank you guys so much. I can't say how awesome this has actually been for me. You're all amazing. Hopefully you can read my other stories and I'll get all emotional when I finish those as well.**

** Anyway, please, PLEASE review and remember that you're all awesome and actually made me really proud of myself for this. Thank you. It means so much. **

** Bye for now :')**

** - Gallifrey101**


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